dizzy dreamer 〆
//empty spaces
Saturday, November 23, 2013, 10:04 PM
Hope you're using the web version To read this if you're on the phone/anything other than a com._. Anyway here it goes...Even as a friend...or not, I guess...I should admit it kinda hurts when you always go to Isabel whenever I am not around...It's not about you going out with her...It is only when you turn to her when we're not talking...No matter how many times you tell me it's not happening, I can't help but feel that the chances of you guys getting back together is so high - all I have to do is, not be around you, it just feels like I am in the way. I don't know...I didn't mean to distant myself, but I am thankful that you kind of "allowed" us to keep that distance just so that I could really concentrate on my project...So thank you...I'm supposed to be studying for my exams right now but I have been trying so hard to shove all these feelings away that it is kind of eating me a little now...In fact the thought of you just hits me sometimes, at times it gets so bad I kinda just get all emotional but no one knows...maybe just my sis. so...
Mum just nagged and scolded me about that "TCC and meeting a guy and progressing too fast because of that Hickey" thing again. I mean, it is over?!!?!?! Can't you tell???!!!!
But yeah, now I am afraid to even talk to you, you're going to book in round 2 weeks+ time and I really don't know if it'd be a good idea to just try and squeeze myself into your life again and meet you before that, once I am done with all the work for this semester. I am sorry for being selfish but I meant what I whispered into your ear that evening/night you sent me home. I mean, like what I said in my tumblr, I don't exactly know the meaning of those words but I kinda felt this tingling feeling and I wanted to say it to you so yeah. Either way I am sorry. This is a selfish thinking on my side for using this opportunity to keep the distance between us just so it might be easier to get over each other. I guess you'll be okay with your friends, and your "bellie" T_T mehhhhhhhhhhh and yeah I guess I am doing alright now. I told you before I am fucked up, now you've been able to step back and see this hmm? You've been the sweetest and most accepting person I have been with, minus the occasional moodswings hehe. Either way, we can never get back together, and I have done my best to accept that already. (With the only "visible" sentence above as my excuse.) :/ Forgive me for being a coward, not being able to say this face to face because I know I might just waste all the efforts by hugging you and possibly make us both miserable again. Thank you for always being so understanding. And you should know you're not alone, I do miss you too. But do not get me wrong, I...have decided to put the feelings away already. I know you've mentioned before how feelings don't just "fade away" and you are right. It isn't easy but I kept telling myself that holding on to this and trying to make it work is only going to make us both sad. I knew you were going to be like my ex that I held onto for so long, not realising it was only killing us. We can't get past my parents, so if we could ever truly be friends again like maybe, how you are with Isabel now, I'd love to give that a go. I still hope all goes well for you in the army and that you'd always be okay
Labels: super awkward title
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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