dizzy dreamer 〆
Someone please help me
Tuesday, September 17, 2013, 8:15 PM
Why is it I can't seem to grow up and mature?????????????? someone???? help???? :( :( :( :(
I never thought it was really needed...I thought I'd be okay if I just go with the flow or something...Now in uni...this attitude is just disgusting. My tutor even went to the point of asking if I need to see the counsellors. I cannot imagine how disappointed he is / will be. As much as I hope he hasn't given up on me, I don't see any reason why not. The very fact I am failing in my conduct and attendance is enough to put myself under the impression of being a lazy and horrible student...
I tried to start work early...I keep telling myself...But nothing comes out. Rather, I can't put whatever ideas I have out onto paper or softwares or model etc. Nothing. I can't even achieve what my tutor asked for.
What if this course really isn't for me? I thought I am interested...Architecture still fascinates me even with the shallow amount of knowledge I have...What if this spark died long ago and I did not realise it? What am I going to tell my parents...or my uncles...They already see me as someone who'd graduate from uni to practice as an architect...
I would like to do that, but at the moment I cannot imagine myself leading anyone in designing and constructing a building with my time management and everything as a whole. The person I am now is definitely not capable of that.
See what I mean? Here I am drowning deeper into this emotional mode that my friends tried so hard to pull me out of in secondary school and my first year in poly. I should be trying to do work instead of typing this...Submission is on Thursday anyway. I have nothing on the plate at the moment. While everyone else are either doing or done with the model, or working on or printing their sectional perspectives, or wrapping up their sketches and preparing... I am here typing this out with no work to present to the tutors. There's going to be a guest lecturer from my tutor's uni overseas and all I am going to do is disappoint them and have no face to look at them...or make it worst by not showing up at all and failing.
Whoever that is up there, can you please tell me why am I...being like this...and I am still not able to change out of it....I feel so sad........I hate this...My parents gave me so much to be doing well and studying in uni and I am just wasting the money away... I don't even know how I got into nus luh seriously...
nothing makes sense at all.....................help....I don't want to be like this.... :( :(
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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