i've to admit, i honestly miss you guys, just by looking at this photos..

(which im not quite sure what it is either,)

mm.

i know im in a wrong too. that this friendship got to..this stage.

i'll take on whatever comes my way, and regardless what it is,

im gonna make it through.

no matter what, i'll grow stronger, (so, thank you.)

doesnt matter what you think, and what you've said,

im not gonna let myself be influenced by it.

i'll get through this.

even if im gonna be on my own,

i know im gonna be okay.

i know exactly what you wanted,

and why things are this way now.

it even led you to thinking this way about me.

so i was right, it all started after 'that', dear Queen.

even after trying so hard to think that it's not what i think it is,

i still end up finding out that, its.. what i thought it was afterall.

sometimes i wish i never have to know,

but hmm, so much for being a #gemini.

i hope this is the last of what you'd want from me.

today's pool game? was expecting either.."super cold, or attitude frm you, or anyhow play" well, all 3 happened. sigh. the only time we "were okay" was when we were saying goodbye.

3 big impacts today killed my mood today, again. hmm, glad however that a friend came all the way to... yeah. just hope i wont end up being a disappointment.

what happened to us?..

why do i have to be reminded of how close we were before..

every single day i'll have to face this. and there's nothing i can do about it..

honestly missed how we were, the friendship we had..

now.. you're treating me nothing more than a stranger.

while i watch you smiling away with..others..

and giving me a cold shoulder everytime we "talk".

i dont even wish for anything more than we were before we made that mistake,

of wanting to take that other step.

i miss you as a friend, a best friend, regardless what you took me as.

everything you said, when we were friends.. its like,

you've forgotten everything.

i cant believe how seeing all this photos actually made me tear,

and guess what, i found that i locked some old messages of yours.

how am i going to go about doing this and having to 'face' you in this manner?

i've lost the friend whom i can just call when im sad/angry, and would talk 'nonsense',

till i'd just smile, and knowing i'd be okay cos i have him.

just like how ive lost the same friend who'd offer me hugs when i need em to feel better.

and the same friend that'd always be around or texting,

to 'check that im okay', that'd ask me if he needs anything....

why have i lost you to ......

just why of all the people. why? why?

i miss you, not as anything else, but as my best friend.

one of the first two friends i made in poly..

one's no longer in the same class, and ive lost you.

if i could, i'd like to let everything go.

every. single. thing.

honestly. its the worst feeling ever,

you know?

the feeling of losing a once good friend,

and having to face the person everyday..

it hurts way more than losing a boyfriend.

And i've..finally decided to admit. its impossible to suit everyone.

its either you please others, and not be happy yourself..

or please one friend, and losing the other..

when did things become this hard?

i've been asking myself all these questions every single day..

everytime i see you.. being the way we were with others..

yet giving a cold shoulder the moment we "talk"..

i dont know what to do..

why did i let that happen..

the last person i want to lose is you,

not as anything more, but

honestly as a good friend..

we were once so close...

now you're acting like we're nothing more than two strangers.

must it really be like this?..

the last thing i want now is to lose another good friend.

i think..id just be the one that suits the other person for now..

i'll just keep trying to fight that thought of it being impossible,

to suit everyone.

im sure i'll find some way..

to face everyone..

its what you want sia.?

really one moment want meet again. we did.

then next moment idk why u just lost your temper/mood or smt so easily,

i dont rmbr what it was like exactly..last time.

but i really have too many other things on my mind to go..

suit you and just forget the fact or face the fact that youre not in a good mood,

over things like this? i need..a friend now.

not someone i have to go bother or think bout any other messed up stuffs about.

you know very well whats been happening and how messed up i already am.

do you know it wasnt easy at all? that day when i did that in front of you and said,

itd be the last time we meet?

and yet i just couldnt help it and met you in the end.

please dont make this any harder. even you admit yourself,

you hope u'd find someone better. you already took that step.

so i honestly should be asking you wth are you doing?!

or do you even know what you are doing?

and i honestly.. dont know if i should be feeling this way.

i just hope whatever happens, it would be the best for us.

OH. and..awesome dinner ;) cant forget the part where the waiter repeated our orders.

machiam 2 people eating 4-5 people's share ~_~

thinking of a new hairstyle..(ignore the order of photos though)

bad thing is my hair texture cant really work with these hairstyles.. damn.

haha i wonder if its true. but idk. the fact that we're who we are now..regardless of what happened in the past.. hmm i dont know if that means something. BUT when i asked bout you finding someone really awesome soon, u said maybe, hopefully. hahahaa THAT'S gotta mean something right? :)

our fav. phrase of all times. "Hais, forever like this."

hahaha. im hoping that whatever happens, its gonna be th best for us!

i'd agree with a friend though, either way whether ure happy with that person or not..you'd still have to learn to get along with th person. :/ i wish it isnt this way...

why are there such extremes in our friendship.. like either we're having so much fun tgt or things just go haywire.. you both are great friends to me. but really.. whats with those actions and words.. i dont know what to do..

dammit i need to stop looking so much into things.