i dont know how many times ive said it or maybe ive not said it at all. if you see this, good. if u didnt, then yeah its just me ranting it out cos everytime im reminded of this, it just feels like shit. i absolutely hate this feeling.

all i was given was a second chance at it to make it right, and prepare it in one day. i took the risks just to finish what was needed. Even if i wasnt given that chance, i would have finished it up just in order to present to them what i wanted to. I knew very well the risks. But you want to know the truth? I dont care about my grades as much as how much i want to make sure i knew what i was presenting and saying and making sure that i get my idea across.

Why do you have to make that exaggeration on life being unfair? using examples and all. i honestly dont get why. was that a reason for the competition? even in the previous ones, when i wanted to join, u'd always say it in such a way of aiming at me how i cant cope and such all the more i shouldnt join? even when i was interested and all?

i know there's two sides to everything. so i couldnt face you three at the start when u guys joined. cos i couldnt think of a reason at all. when u had the meeting and all the last minute people going for it, i was there and u guys knew it.and to u, did u really forget? i thought u knew how much i wanted to join. i wasnt sure of the requirements and all. and when i said i couldnt get members for it, you just said "ok.." really? im sorry but all these adding up together is not helping at all.

i guess thinking positively, you guys simply forgot bout it. bout the competition you guys just worry i cant cope with schoolwork and other projects. that when u guys said i should stop emoing and thinking too much, its cos im just trying to think bout it, and that maybe i shouldnt go bothering bout everything. yeah and moreover that day when i said i thought i may have lost you guys as friends, i knew even when we started laughing and all. things isnt exactly the same anymore, isnt it? th situation just reminded me of EJ. when..u said u werent close anymore. but you guys are..idkk. but either way fuck it huh.

i guess right from primary school..to secondary school..i'll always have a really close friend that's really competitive. and i just cant seem to handle it. and things always screw up somehow cos of that..i always wonder why i hanged out with guys way more and i feel closer to them at times. it just feels like girls always have problem with me bout smt somehow. ah dont wanna think alr.

thanks to this, being th only girl.. always disturbed by guys..prolly why i became violent huh.. so different from primary school.. sigh i guess only i know who i am. so whatever u judged me as.. so be it uh. im just g;na be myself. feels more comfortable that way. this trip should help make things easier.

so.. mom told me bout how a trip with friends can totally change everything. hmm. i wonder how i actually will be like overseas, and how sharing a room with a friend will be like..worried > excited. - thanks to FD5 lol.

this post abit long uh. shall make another post now.