always gave myself an aim, and roughly estimated around when i could complete this and that.

i actually feel excited everytime i plan my work out in my mind, and literally writing them out to remind myself bout what i want to complete by when etc.

this year especially, i really tried. i really did! i didnt even think i actually did take a day off archi work this whole year. im always reading through notes or planning out a schedule on when i wanted to start working on these and that - even wasted the 3weeks holidays on my work, barely gone out.

but i did not even complete half of what i wanted to improve on before the next sem started. went to school and got to know everyone else only started work on the last few days of the holiday and managed to finish way more than me.

it really hit me that time. i just thought, maybe im not cut out to study architecture afterall. its such a long course. and i swear its like. "working". not "studying". the amount of work you have to handle is. idk. its just really one pile of work that will always be there.

it got so bad that i just went to my dad and asked him what if i wanted to quit architecture.

we really talked. like talked through everything. Mom was there too. they just kept telling me that it was okay. that i am still a student. and that i shouldnt worry bout being perfect at these and that. there was alot more that we talked than these. that whole week i was just.. home. i just wanted to be home..

im just glad that im okay now. i know its tough, and i know im prolly one of the slowest or ok maybe the slowest among my friends. but yeah im slow but at the end of the project, i always produced something i gave my best shot at.

hoping i can get through this year 2 well. if my gpa...isnt enough to pull up my total gpa for my 3years... i guess i'll retake year2. i honestly dont mind going through the same shit again. better then having it worst if i fail to do extremewly well in year3 and end up not pulling through to uni.

i know it sounds absurd...but yeah. dont want to disappoint anyone nor myself.

thank god for my parents who helped me through. without them i'd prolly went back to my old habits and did stupid stuffs.

love you mommy daddy,