dizzy dreamer 〆
forever,
Sunday, January 31, 2010, 11:34 PM
unexpected. this time, i not only have to suffer in pain in your absence, i have to force myself to continue on,
i also have to put up a fake front that im happy in front of my dad. im not happy . im not.
i so fucking hell hate this. i had to say all those words to you. why? why ? why ?
just a moment that day we were so happy, and in just a few hours. everything changed.
i just fucking hell dont believe my mum shouted at you. and even called you to scold you further.
im sorry marcus, im sorry that you had to take all that . im sorry.. hais.
you know, you were so right. its forever like this. and im so damn useless.
there's nothing i can do. cause' they'll never listen. they'll never understand. im really lost.
i dont know what exactly can i do to really give us happiness. hais.
i wish i could ask you to try working hard to prove your sincerity to my parents.
but ya true enough, as you said that you have somewhere you're heading to,
but there's a wall blocking your way. and there's not even a crack that you can start from.
why? simply cause. my parents th fucking obstacle, and they wont even give you a fucking chance. cause they got bad impression of you. your outlook. your character. your whole person. this is what i found out from my mum. i think they seriously got problem. i dunno how th hell, but. ya. my parents apparently saw that blog. th got your name and mine de. not th nickname one. that last post. i dunno how . my parents fucking hell found out bout it and read it.
i dont get their problem. got so many good things, they only want to focus on that. i dunno luh.
i really cant stand them! all i want is to be happy, why cant i fucking hell be happy! .
want be happy got fault meh! .walao eh. i rather you let us openly together, and naturally break like others! then you control and restrict like hell. this only makes my feelings stronger!
it just doesnt work this way, when you all will understand siol!. i want him, and him only.
hais. marcus, i really dont know what to do anymore. i wish i could have you. so so so much.
but in a way, i know as well, that if i continue like before, i will only cause you to get hurt even more. i cant make you happy marcus, its best for you to just forget me and carry on.
i cant just leave you hanging there, and waiting, and having to feel disappointed over and over again. i cant . i told my mum i will forget you. im lying. i completely lied. cos' i know i cant.
th more i tell myself i have to forget you, th more i'd hurt myself th stronger my feelings get.
i really dont know what to do, i guess if i want to see you, i wont let you know already. i cant.
i know i shouldnt be saying this, but yea. should you need me , or should you need to tell me anything. or should there be anything important, im sure you'll know exactly where i'll be de.
hais. i dont know what to do anymore. i only know i have to leave your life.i really hope that one day we will be able to meet again, and if we are ever capable of truly loving each other, then even if my parents want stop also cannot. so, ya fated, we will meet again one. hais. there's so much more to say, and i dont know where to stop, i guess most of th things i already told you, so many others i have written it somewhere else, hais. i wished we didnt have to end this way..
i dont know what to say already.
Labels: too many words left unsaid; too many things left undone.
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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