dizzy dreamer 〆
Thursday, July 9, 2009, 4:45 PM
hais. alot of days never post .a lot of fucked up things happen .
i cut short bahs .
reason : i am already not allowed to use com. and i only have a limited time .
last few days . dad really damn kpkb .
that's been happening like everyday .
i talk to didi .
he like..doesnt want to give a damn bout us ?
i dont know what's on ur mind la itiel .
but,
really i dont exactly get why u r so angry with me or what,
dat u dont even wana bother talking or replying my messages .
you said that, u wan us keep in touch n, u dont wan this jie-di thing to end .
u worry, that after M back or what , den u worry i using you or what shit right ?
i am ur jie, and u dont even know me.
u think i will do that ?
anw, is u urself that is trying to causing us to end.
not me okay .
i try talking to u, u dont wana bother.
ive been gettin so fed up you know ?
i even dreamt of you , wth ?
that's so stupid luh .
if that dream can come true jiu shiok le .
anw, i jus cannot believe that u dont know how much u mean to me as my di la .
so, if u still want to anyhow think, i got nothing else to say .
but thanks for those happy moments when we go out tgt last time.
i wont forget de. really very happy.
hais, wish can go bk to last time also..
next.
that sunday that thing, my parents should be found out alr.
my mum said some things until , i know. confirm they know something alr .
my dad gona ask my sis tonight bout it.
duno how isit gona go.
but .
i cant do anything alr .
so much problems n shit .
but what can i say,
i ownself make th decision, i have to face th consequences .
my mum tell my sis to say th truth totally .
but, also can la.
not my sis prob .
she dont kena anything can alr .
hais.
for sure, tio by my dad alr la .
so, if i never reply ur messages, sorry first .
labtop i think also will taken away.
freedom 100% gone bahs .
duno what will happen tonight .
but..
regardless .
im gona have to do fucking well for my exams and prove it to him .
im not just some useless shit . and my outlooks, what i wear, th people i mix.
has got nothing to do with what results i get.
right from th start, is because of my father's character n attitude he has towards me
that made me changed .
he only know how to demoralise and look down on me .
so i need to fucking prove him wrong .
if i really managed to get exceedingly good results .
im jus gona fucking throw th results at my father's face siol .
aiya.
duno luh .
all im saying is, i need to do well for my Os .
and by the way .
dad, mum.
if you think that taking away all these is goin to change th mistake
that i have been making time n time again.
you are absolutely wrong .
you dont know how i feel.
i doubt u ever will also .
and dad,
u dont even wana bother understanding me .
th problems that keeps arising between us will never be solved .
so u should better change ur fucking attitude k .
sorry for all th rudeness n stuffs , but its really killing me inside luh .
your one word affects me like hell .
anw,
you realy shouldnt always only bother about th outside.
you should be looking at who th person is inside hor .
aiyah .
im sure, sooner or later u will find out about this blog de .
so, ya. i dont care if u see this or not.
im writing it cos, its how i feel .
anw.
i cant believe u didnt understand what i meant that evening luh .
th way i dress, th way i look, th things you give me..
all this is what people will see on th outside.
and i feel this is all that u care about .
because u never, ever took that first step to go and understand who i am inside .
i bet u dont even know what i like eat , though we have dinner together everyday .
you really should take some time off and go and think first
before u everytime anyhow think bout me .
you should also go and think of th reasons for my actions .
why isit dat even after u confiscate my things away so many times,
i still never change .
oh, and mum. though i sometimes get so angry with u for siding my dad so much,
i thank you also, for helping me keep so many secrets .
for letting me trust u , and for u trusting in me .
hais .
talk so much bad thing bout my parents alr .
now good part bahs .
thanks dad&mum for helping me learn some things i need to know in life.
i know that u both are overprotective cos y'all worry dat i will end up regretting big mistakes .
but, i guess im more angry cos dad,u dont trust me that i wont make those mistakes.
and, before i made u lose ur trust in me,
it was you,
who made me change and lose trust in u first .
in life, surely one has to give in to the other de .
if im always th one giving in, what's th use ?
you will only continue those shit.
if u dont learn to give in and u always want to think u r right .
den sorry for my attitude den .
i think you should also dont everytime vent anger on us or what luh .
wan scold me,
and even anyhow scold mum for things she never did,
that's so dumb luh .
scold her for my attitude ?
wth ?
you no fault ah ?
if u still want to keep th family,
u better go think la .
later end up like that sunday.
mum really go away .
then u wan regret, also too late le hor .
everyone will jus start giving up on this family .
cant believe our family will come until this state also .
urgh , hais .
all my friends, cousins..
advise me .
but yet, i still dont listen .
guess u all should know why after this le bahs .
sorry for my stupid attitude also, and..if i ever made u worry and stuffs also .
but thanks for always being there for me :]
there's so many to list ..
but i dont have alot of time.
i jus type whoever comes to my mind..sorry if i left out whoever.
michelle, jingting, wanchew, evelina, jasmineS, cherylS, jac, bella, everard, jonS etc.
ya . jus, thank you, alot, alot . :]
M, hais, there's so much to say, yet there's jus too little time .
i'll cut it short, cos most of th other things .
i alr said them to you.
i keep making th same mistakes again n again .
n i keep pulling u in to go thru all this stupid things again.
im sorry .
i feel really selfish .
if u want to give up on us .
i wont force you to stay .
i can promise you i wont get angry as well.
i totally understand .
right from th start is i ownself wan to make th choice to risk being with you .
so, i will face th consequences myself, and i promise,
if u really dont want to go thru th same shit again, i wont go bothering you alr .
but, if.
u still have feelings, and u want us to be together again,
but worry bout me n my parents th problems .
den as what ive said ,
for my parents' side,
if u really want us to be together,
im sure u will do whatever u can for them to accept us de .
and .
if u believe in us,
im sure we can pull through everything de .
it doesnt matter whether we are together or not,
its how we feel that matters .
regardless how far we are being pulled apart from each other,
it doesnt matter .
&..
still got one more thing.
不管路有多难走,只要有你在我的身边牵着我的手,再难的路我也会走下去[:
PAISEH I SAY ALL THESE LIKE I GOING DIE LIKE THAT UH .
is just, if dad really found out , i think is 100% 'die' alr .
if nothing happen, is miracle le bahs .
lord, hopefully nothing bad will happen bahs , bless me -_- i cant afford to lose anymore things, or anyone..hais.ty..
Labels: reminisce; OlvlsOlvlsOlvls.
Monday, July 6, 2009, 1:08 PM
uhh..04july:
hmms .
today,
nothing much.
stay at home.
took a few pictures..
but apparently.
i dont know why th damn thing's not working again.
bluetooth keep on cocking-up zzz .
den
aiyah.
nvm got time then i post pictures again .
uhh .
den hmm.
alot of problems today actually .
starting from th time, when my dad came home.
he was out with his friends ..
yea.
den me n my sis jus start watching boys over flowers .
den he come back n kpkb .
he ask us to off th damn tv .
u know why ?
cos simply .
th part we watch, very funny .
den at tht timing, he talking to us .
den he thinks that we dont respect him, cos we laughing .
like wtf ?
we watch funny thing, also he nd control some fuck ?
i dont know la .
but .
ya.
he lately keep on like this .
apparently, is after i get back phone, he keep on like that .
wtf my phone take back cause so much fuck, den dont take back better la ?!
everyday come back show us some face like we did something wrong to him .
zzz .
den fine, off th damn tv .
den i duno what shit la .
suddenly, when me n sis in th room.
we heard my dad shout at my mum .
wtf ?
go out with friends, den come back and kpkb us .
might as well dont go out .
not our fault right .
den after that,
we jus went to th room.
heck ,
go sleep .
urgh .
next day.
05july:
one big fuck up shit happened .
i think my family going to goddamn fall apart luh .
i dont know .
wtf is goin to happen to my family ,
den urgh! .
in the morning .
i duno what la .
den 12noon .
my mum got so pissed with my dad .
she said "u want go with ur friends on saturday , jus go la!"
den she jus took her things, and went out of house .
she already wear her outing clothes .
duno wtf la.
den cb.
my father show some attitude also .
wth ?
i duno luh .
den is like,
me n my sis go change
den , heck .
i say let them both cool down .
den suddenly my dad go out of house also .
den after that.
me n sis change den go out .
then.
outside th time,
call dad.
he say he go find mum .
wtf
what , he regret what he did alr .
asshole .
heck luh .
damn pissed with him luh!.
past few days make so much crap happen,
including my grandma. sparked off alot of our arguments also .
urgh .
den after that jus headed to bus stop .
den i duno what i doing luh .
my sis agreed also ......
go call M .
den actually wan go his house, den his parents at home .
so jio him out .
den plan to meet at orchard cine for th 'threads of destiny' movie .
den.
me n sis, take mrt to somerset .
den we walk walk awhile while waiting.
den he say,
meet at somerset ther, don walk go other place first .
btw, that timing raining like siao .
zzz.
den me n sis walk back .
den walking back halfway saw him .
so stop zhu .
den .
meet him lo .
den walk back same way -.-
den uh ..
nvm .
at first he kind of angry .
haiya .
but managed tell him ...
aiyah, suan le .
den ok le la .
haiya, duno how come he suddenly like abit changed D:
hais .
nevermindds .
den ...
meet until us .
den haha .
he n my sis . like as if, so close like that haha .
see him awhile, cheered up abit .
den uh .
actually wan wait for rain stop,
den my sis keep say jus go la!
or go buy umbrella! .
den we go 7eleven ,
den end up jus come out.
never buy anything -.-
den haiyaa .
we decided to chiong .
so we run in th rain lo .
den actually not that heavy
den walk to orchard cine .
den reach ther we direct go cinema check for tickets .
den wtf la .
th threads of destiny show left 7.30 n 9.30 one .
zzz .
we cannot watch tht show alr .
sian sian sian sian sian sian sian .
zzz .
wasted la .
haiya .
den heck care .
wanted watch obsessed .
but........
abit too awkard i guess .
sis ther somemore .
haa .
duno la .
den uh,
M no interest in watching transformers .
so jus watch ice age again .
cos my sis wana watch somemore .
haiya .
dey both havent watch .
so jus go watch nor .
no 3-D one.
cos too late le .
so watch normal one .
den..
haiya .
we watch th 5.45pm show .
so before that we go KFC eat lo .
duno why i not hungry .
so i buy for sis 2-pc chicken .
plus cheese fries.
i eat abit nor ,
den M eat shrooms burger plus cheesefries .
lol , th way he eat... me n my sis nv see before i guess lol .
my sis see until abit chua tio haa .
den uh after that he eat finish le .
my sis also eat her 2-pc chicken le .
den left my cheese fries .
jus share share .
den after that .
den M feed fries lol .
den jus eat nor .
den he feed my sis too :]
my sis damn auto .
jus eat haha .
cute la .
den uh .
i bought icelemontea .
mei dunwan.
so i ask her go take th other straw drink M's coke lo .
she really do sia .
-_-
haiyo ,
den aiya .
after that, finish cheese fries le .
den M's coke also finish .
den my sis seee, den sad face, cos no more . haha .
den uh...
ya, parents sms le .
dey watching transformers.
i ask at wher, what time
mama keep dunwan say .
den i don bother ask.
later suspect .
heck la .
den jus keep checkcheck nor .
dunhave ,
so we go up to th cinema check first .
M wait.
den dunhave .
den end up , decided meet inside cinema direct .
so inside le, damn cold -_-
take out hoodie lo .
den wait awhile .
M finally come, lol.
at first he goin sit wrong place .
heh .
den ya .
watch watch..
den wah, whole timing coldcoldcold luh .
den M also -_-
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz .
den uh .
he eventualy den take out hoodie -_-
lol .
den aiyah.
finish go out .
he wan go taka th kino check for books .
den we decided go lo .
but,
it was raining again
zzz .
den while waiting, me n sis go 7eleven, she wan buy coke .
M smoke outside .
den awhile we go out find him .
den wait wait awhile .
decided to run again
zzz .
den walk walk in rain,
this time is really heavy rain .
lol .
M wear white shirt, not so obvious .
den sis is patterned shirt.
so rain also not obvious .
mine is blue polo.
so th damn rain make until my shirt become..
polka dots polo , new pattern -_-
zz .
aiyah.den
go in to taka lo .
search for his books .
duno what he searching
den he say dunhave .
den go out .
den head to orchard th mrt ther .
den mama call .
say they at tamp mall .
show finish .
ask us wher we .
den say alot crap .
den eventually.. haiya .
jus continue lo .
we stood in th rain .
den i wan pei M go borders check see got th book again .
den end up he keep say we go back .
den we head towards inside ....
den mum cor again .
den talk alot of blabla .
den mum say " ok, u all eat dinner den head back"
shiok lo.
den M alr head to borders .
den
me n sis chiong go ther .
den ya .
find him inside .
lol .
he didnt know we go bk .
hehe .
den eventually help him find lo .
is by..Darren Shun ?
i think luh .
den uh ..
ya end up dun have
sian .
den head to take mrt le .
den take same side .
but
he go bugis find th book again .
den we head home .
ohya .
he sent some stuffs to my phone..
haha games plus a note ,
haiya .
den uh .
nvm
in th end, bugis dun have ,.
hais .
so..
ya wil help him find .
darren shun black cover books 5-12 ... :]
den .
ya .
head back to tamp mall.
abit hungry .
so go buy sushi .
actually $7plus .
den cos after 9pm got some offer .
lucky lo .
buy until $6 n above den will be only $3 .
shiok ah .
so end up $7 sushi become $3.30 :D
heheh .
got california sushi, sushi handroll, jellyfish sushi, n mushroom sushi :D
den we head to bus stop .
wait then..
go home le .
den bathe finish.
actually suppose watch harper's island.
then in th end duno why dun have .
fk la .
zzzzzzzz .
last episode duno go wher .
den end up watch ' scariest places on earth'
heh .
nice luh , not as scary as th prev on . some haunted hospital.
this one is some gypsy castle .
remind me of 'drag me to hell' show .
lol .
den after that .
i wan wait till 12am watch blade de .
den my sis keep say go sleep .
sian la .
den jus go sleep lo .
zzz
06july:
hais.today........last yr ... urgh .
den aiyah .
sms M .
den
sian .
made him angry again ,
aiyah .
duno la .
hais .
my fault ba .
need to stop being so paranoid .
damn .
i think that's my bad point bah .
sian .
den after that .
nv sms awhile .
play phone in th morning .
study maths awhile .
den wan start bio de .
den abit distracted, i wan do blog.
so ya .
eventually.
now i got scolded by my mum .
alot of shit luh .
den my sis wan use com liao .
so.
ya .
that's all for now .
hais, thanks for ytd :] ..you changed somehow D: hais , but u seem happy when with my sis too . haah .
uhm ..sorry though..for everytime anyhow thinking hais .
Labels: why th' fuck am i so paranoid; urgh .
Saturday, July 4, 2009, 4:57 PM
hmm..damn long didnt post .
uh .
i think i separate th posts.
02july:
i think i just went home..
den...
dad n mum slept early at 9+ pm ..
lol,
den
i ...
abit cannot take it,
den i go sms M =x
uh, den cor awhile nor .
den ...i duno wth happen,
i suddenly freezing like that.
super cold,
den i decided hang up phone .
so hang up lo .
uhs,
i den i go shui jiao le .
03july:
ehhs,
in th morning..
sms sms .
den... oh ya
den...
uh
aiyah.
me n Jonsiow kor keep on arguing bout who cheated on who .
lol
abit crap .
uh oh.
den
aft sch,
i plan go bugis awhile .
den, actually, jac,yemin,everard,jon siow pei me go mrt.
den end up jon kor go whitesand with friends .
den like that lo .
take mrt with th others.
den jac drop at tamp.
yemin drop at tanah merah.
everard drop at bedok .
den i take to bugis .
sian.
reach alr,
den that M havent reach .
then aiyaaa.
nvm .
supposed to go find some books that he wants ..
den yea .
nvm
end up i see timing, i cannot wait le.
cos i need go back tamp for jamming .
den i jus went bk lo .
haiya .
sad case .
den uh.
went home, den i ask my dad whether can go jamming den at night go watch movie.
den he actually damn angry .
den aiyah .
duno what la.
i reach home n cor him.
den blablabla .
quite chua tio .
end up he allow :]
den uhhs .
but he jus keep sayin " i dont want to see u always mixing with these people."
like that lo. wtf la .
aiyah.
den heck .
i go jamming .
at tamp east CC .
den i went inside .
cos dey at first say was at tamp CC .
den eventually den i know, is jus nearby ther,
not at ther.
den i walk walk walk .
den jac come out .
den ya,
is at some blocks nearby it .
den go in .
den wah
sibei loud at first .
eventually xi guan le ,
quite nice la .
got take a few pics though .
den go in jam jam..
quite alot of songs la .
some timings jac got sing with me .
den..ya. sing awhile.
den keep on call everard,
check timing.
supposedly, wan go watch threads of destiny at orchard cine de .
den.
haiyaa,
jac no interest in jap and..
she dunwan go so far .
yemin dun wan go so far also cos he carrying guitar .
den end up, sian.
go tamp mall watch ice age 3 lo .
den uh.
go tamp mall,
we went to eat burger king first.
i eat fish burger .
den
after that go watch movie le .
th show quite funny la .
hehe .
th squirrels, i think .
den dey couple th time quite funny .
haha .
den th sloth very dumb siol .
but very funny la .
ohoh! .
de baby elephant, call peaches :D
very cute :]
hm...
oh roughly like that la .
den
finish le,
i nd chiong home.
cos dad gimme limited time..
haiya .
den wait for bus
den go home le lo .
sian .
den reach home, bathed .
den come out..
watch my show .
absolute boyfriend :D
hehehe .
den..1am .
papa come out,
scold me say " you dont know ur limits right" .
aiyah.heck lo .
den jus watch.
finish le, around 1.20am .
den i go shuijiao le .
ehh.........
next day continue next post :D
Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 5:44 PM
hais, stressful day.whole day think of alot of things....
argh .
Olvls ..
hais.
i damn scared i cmi siol .
no motivation do study D: .
today tcher say alot of things..
den ytd my dad keep sayin..
" you want to waste ur time like this everyday?! "
urgh .
sian la .
need study hard alr...
hais .
study also duno can make it not..
jus hope..
i dont lose anymore things, or anyone. can le .
need to jiayous ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-_-
argh, anws.. today evelina came to school :D
hehe . but she havent recover..
and i think i tio abit of cough alr D: .
ohwells .
den.
today suppose go with everard to ikea eat de..
but end up
i too tired..
sad la ..
end up.
he jus pei me take bus nor .
den i go home le
at home..
mum gimme grapes n watermelon eat .
LOL.
my lunch .
hehe.
OH.
plus blueberry waffles!!!! :D
haiya.
talk bout waffle....duno when can go with di eat again sia .
hais .
these few days like...donwan meet or talk to me .
aiyah. dontknow la! .
D;
made him angry today again .
hais .
failure siol .
urgh . ohwell.
that's jus it,
gona go study alr.
soon, soon :]
Labels: missing .
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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