dizzy dreamer 〆
Thursday, December 24, 2009, 10:23 AM
(th earlier post is meant to be th later one)anw,
hmm, ytd . 23december'09 .
well, i lied . again .
i dont want to .
i dont want to have to feel guilty towards my parents .
i want to tell them as well .
i want to let them know .
that , i went out with marcus ,
ya marcus . wtf is wrong with that .
why th hell cant they just god damn accept that ?
why do i always have to just either get lucky or not to meet up with him ?
why cant we openly together.?
im just so sick of this .
ytd i was one step to screaming at my mum that i went to meet marcus .
that i still love him , that. i want her to approve of us .
that i want my parents to approve of us being together.
i dont want to keep this from them,
but they just fucking cant understand !
now i think, im feeling how you felt when you told me
"there's no point in carrying on"
"since forever also like this"
hais. i also dont want i dont want siol.
its just not enough, to get lucky meeting up ,
i want to let everyone know, bout us .
i want them to approve of us .
i want to be together with you ,
not just, like this, now .
its sucks, cos its just not enough anymore .
i'd rather that, they approve of use being together, and.
should we ever lose feelings for each other,
we'd lose it just, that way , though i doubt i will ever know how that feeling is like.
and, then, let us just break , not...
not.. having to be forced apart, and always having to keep this stupid distance .
every fucking thing also have to be controlled.
why th hell must like that siol .
just be happy for us, also will die ?
ytd, i dont know why la,
after meeting..then suddenly no strength . to carry one this way .
i just dont want.
im like..dragging you along .
i wanted so much at that moment..
and i think i was sort of not in th right mind ytd to have wanted so much .
then..i couldnt stop crying in th bus omg..
and smsed you like im going crazy or something .
then.. i just wished.. you never knew me .
i wished i dont feel anything anymore.
i wished i dont remember anything .
i wished..i dont exist.
sorry..i ..think.. i made you worried, last night .
esp when i ..called ..
and asked of you to say those words .
im really sorry ,
but..had you not said those words, i wouldnt be typing this here today either .
i wouldnt have th strength to face up to my parents .
&neither would i have been able to keep my promise.
although, its stupid of me to be doubting whether you meant those words or not..
i still want to say, thank you .
for everything , .
& i love you too .
Labels: a gift that i could never ask for.
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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