dizzy dreamer 〆
Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 8:19 PM
uh, dont know where to start, but ya la . anyhow .i say th okok things first.
morning go badminton.
then afternoon go jamming.
learn some drums basic.
very fun ,
ya hope can learn more.
then suppose to go out at night for movie. end up bo .
i called didi to see wan go dinner, end up never reply i dont know la .
i in a way disappointed, with th things that's going on now
dont know.ya .
next thing .
uh. ytd supposedly, everything's fine. then, for th next moment, everything's not anymore.
i dont know, i thought i didnt have to care, didnt have to bother.
didnt have to get my stupid mind to be messed up by you.
i dont know what's your problem with me ok .
4 years. i tried . no use one.
ya you hate my character is it.? you think i so easily can control it meh ?
and btw, u say so many people dislike me, and i dont get what it is ?
i dont know la .
maybe im just so stupid lo .
sorry .
i dont know la . blame my stupid character.
say until like this, i dont know la .
please lo ,
for your information. i dont need your attention for gala,
all i thought of was, just, go with it, whatever happens jiu like that lorh .
i dont know la .
please, i just tried.
i thought i could jus pretend everything's okay .
and i was jus so stupid to have believed .
in th end , everything's not okay .
i dont know la .
and please, th prev day before gala, was crap . i dont know wth was going on .
on th sms, u say till so sacarstic , purposely one right, ya i know.
i just cant stand it, so i jus attitude back abit lo .
then during gala that dinner. you sent me this sms
"ehh you reached yet ?"
then next sms .
"i dont know, i v scared to go in. how long more you need?"
so what's this ?
th night before, so attitude.
say dont know what seating arrangement.
then so attitude,
then i ask what thing,
then ya la .
you were trying to leave me out is it ?
dont worry, i get th point.
then that gala dinner.
i dont know what thing.
suddenly asking me,
wth. ya la, i know i weak la.
easy to use is it ?
u need me, so i ther lo .
is that what u think ? should be ba .
i dont know la.
then. last night,
attitude again.
u trying to agitate me isit?
then want make me jealous, trying to make me go crazy huh ?
you want see my life go more miserable isit ?
then today go badminton ? wth ? i dont know la,
u simply dont want play with me.
ya i get it .
then u knew bout jamming thing.
ya.
then, after jamming. woah, i heard so many people there with you .
woah. then dont know what bahs .
conference? to complain bout me ?
i dont know.
th feeling sucks you know ?
i guess you dont know any shit .
so ya whatever la .
i dont know why, but i did try.
and sorry , ya i know fucking well what's wrong with my bloody character.
i reminded myself about how it is.
i remind myself every fucking time.
thanks, remind me again.
im gona go crazy hating myself .
ya, im so unappreciative.?
i know that, i dont know why th fuck am i like this .
ya i so ungrateful is it ?
i dont know la,
if that's what u think, so be it.
i dont know anything anymore.
i wish i can dont care.
ya truly enough,
when i see u alone in school,
i just try to understand th situation u r in,
i just, dont want to leave anyone alone,
cos' i fucking know how it feels .
i know so god damn well .
so i jus hate it.
apparently, i made th wrong move.
how stupid of me.
4years, thinking everything willl be over,
thinking after gala, that all of us were together, everything would be fine.
now, i found out. NO .
you still want to make my life hell huh ?
i dont know what's your problem with me anymore.
cos even when i did nothing,
you still want to make my life so god damn miserable.
its so bloody hell bad enough, u want to make it worst .
even seems as though, people dear to me are always taken away from me .
what fuck ?
i dont know la .
even got ppl say i dont seem to appreciate friendship ?
please la, i know i very well do so.
so ...ya , i know you sure are badmouthing me, complaining bout me.
dont know saying what crap.
but. ya .
whatever lor .
everytime you ok with me,
its seems my life will feel everything gona be okay.
everytime u not ok with me.
my life feel like. so hell lot of shit .
dont know la .
this is so crap you know ?
4 years.
4 fucking years .
that hurt so much
that allowed you to mess with me,
mess with my mind.
mess th bloody hell load of life out of me .
i dont know .
this is seriously gonna make me so damn fucking crazy .
why should you cry thinking bout me ?
i dont know anymore ,
i really dont know .
this sucks you know ?
i wish everything's okay,
but i think, that's impossible already .
if you are so not happy with me,
dont need to go tell others .
COME STRAIGHT TO MY FACE.
SAY ALL YOU WANT TILL YOU HAPPY .
up to you .
if making my life hell is what u want ,
i got nothing to say.
all i can do is, heck . and carry on with my life .
i know, i have some bloody stupid fucked up character,
i know i tried to change .
i am stilll trying .
i wish it'd be so easy.
but its so fucking not.
so sorry .
woah. i didnt realise .
AS I WRITE THIS POST, i found out, I GOT FEVER . woah .
you totallly burned me up man ,
im at my wits already .
i think you messed enough of my life.
if you want to take away as many friends of mine,
i got nothing to say as well.
you very well want to make me end up alone, so be it.
i only know, if they are my true friends,
regardless what you say, they wont be affected .
cos i know, they will trust me .
they will be there for me, as so how much i know, that i will be there for them .
and to let this be known that,
i treasure my friendship, ALOT .
regardless what you think. that's all i can say .
so . ya go ahead bah .
i dont want to care anymore, ya in a way ,
u need me, i ther lo. dont need me, jus throw me away bah .
up to u . i dont know le.
i dont know i dont know . and i really dont feel like caring .
i wish i could, but as you say.
we are friends .
i dont know how th hell i can not care bout you .
so, i can only wish, everything's gona be okay .
ya,
in a way, i wish i can ask you to fuck off from my life.
cos i dont wan to go through th same confusion, and for my mind to be messed up .
and for my life to get worst.
but in a way, i wish all of us can be okay again .
i dont know anymore .
thanks ah, my mind's all so messed up. fuck la.
im having a bloody hell headache.
go liao .
i wished you were here. maybe this time, is not you never come back ,
and if we dont meet anymore, maybe is not you anything happen .
maybe , its me .
Labels: fucked up; paranoia working up; fever; headache
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hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
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