dizzy dreamer 〆
Thursday, July 9, 2009, 4:45 PM
hais. alot of days never post .a lot of fucked up things happen .
i cut short bahs .
reason : i am already not allowed to use com. and i only have a limited time .
last few days . dad really damn kpkb .
that's been happening like everyday .
i talk to didi .
he like..doesnt want to give a damn bout us ?
i dont know what's on ur mind la itiel .
but,
really i dont exactly get why u r so angry with me or what,
dat u dont even wana bother talking or replying my messages .
you said that, u wan us keep in touch n, u dont wan this jie-di thing to end .
u worry, that after M back or what , den u worry i using you or what shit right ?
i am ur jie, and u dont even know me.
u think i will do that ?
anw, is u urself that is trying to causing us to end.
not me okay .
i try talking to u, u dont wana bother.
ive been gettin so fed up you know ?
i even dreamt of you , wth ?
that's so stupid luh .
if that dream can come true jiu shiok le .
anw, i jus cannot believe that u dont know how much u mean to me as my di la .
so, if u still want to anyhow think, i got nothing else to say .
but thanks for those happy moments when we go out tgt last time.
i wont forget de. really very happy.
hais, wish can go bk to last time also..
next.
that sunday that thing, my parents should be found out alr.
my mum said some things until , i know. confirm they know something alr .
my dad gona ask my sis tonight bout it.
duno how isit gona go.
but .
i cant do anything alr .
so much problems n shit .
but what can i say,
i ownself make th decision, i have to face th consequences .
my mum tell my sis to say th truth totally .
but, also can la.
not my sis prob .
she dont kena anything can alr .
hais.
for sure, tio by my dad alr la .
so, if i never reply ur messages, sorry first .
labtop i think also will taken away.
freedom 100% gone bahs .
duno what will happen tonight .
but..
regardless .
im gona have to do fucking well for my exams and prove it to him .
im not just some useless shit . and my outlooks, what i wear, th people i mix.
has got nothing to do with what results i get.
right from th start, is because of my father's character n attitude he has towards me
that made me changed .
he only know how to demoralise and look down on me .
so i need to fucking prove him wrong .
if i really managed to get exceedingly good results .
im jus gona fucking throw th results at my father's face siol .
aiya.
duno luh .
all im saying is, i need to do well for my Os .
and by the way .
dad, mum.
if you think that taking away all these is goin to change th mistake
that i have been making time n time again.
you are absolutely wrong .
you dont know how i feel.
i doubt u ever will also .
and dad,
u dont even wana bother understanding me .
th problems that keeps arising between us will never be solved .
so u should better change ur fucking attitude k .
sorry for all th rudeness n stuffs , but its really killing me inside luh .
your one word affects me like hell .
anw,
you realy shouldnt always only bother about th outside.
you should be looking at who th person is inside hor .
aiyah .
im sure, sooner or later u will find out about this blog de .
so, ya. i dont care if u see this or not.
im writing it cos, its how i feel .
anw.
i cant believe u didnt understand what i meant that evening luh .
th way i dress, th way i look, th things you give me..
all this is what people will see on th outside.
and i feel this is all that u care about .
because u never, ever took that first step to go and understand who i am inside .
i bet u dont even know what i like eat , though we have dinner together everyday .
you really should take some time off and go and think first
before u everytime anyhow think bout me .
you should also go and think of th reasons for my actions .
why isit dat even after u confiscate my things away so many times,
i still never change .
oh, and mum. though i sometimes get so angry with u for siding my dad so much,
i thank you also, for helping me keep so many secrets .
for letting me trust u , and for u trusting in me .
hais .
talk so much bad thing bout my parents alr .
now good part bahs .
thanks dad&mum for helping me learn some things i need to know in life.
i know that u both are overprotective cos y'all worry dat i will end up regretting big mistakes .
but, i guess im more angry cos dad,u dont trust me that i wont make those mistakes.
and, before i made u lose ur trust in me,
it was you,
who made me change and lose trust in u first .
in life, surely one has to give in to the other de .
if im always th one giving in, what's th use ?
you will only continue those shit.
if u dont learn to give in and u always want to think u r right .
den sorry for my attitude den .
i think you should also dont everytime vent anger on us or what luh .
wan scold me,
and even anyhow scold mum for things she never did,
that's so dumb luh .
scold her for my attitude ?
wth ?
you no fault ah ?
if u still want to keep th family,
u better go think la .
later end up like that sunday.
mum really go away .
then u wan regret, also too late le hor .
everyone will jus start giving up on this family .
cant believe our family will come until this state also .
urgh , hais .
all my friends, cousins..
advise me .
but yet, i still dont listen .
guess u all should know why after this le bahs .
sorry for my stupid attitude also, and..if i ever made u worry and stuffs also .
but thanks for always being there for me :]
there's so many to list ..
but i dont have alot of time.
i jus type whoever comes to my mind..sorry if i left out whoever.
michelle, jingting, wanchew, evelina, jasmineS, cherylS, jac, bella, everard, jonS etc.
ya . jus, thank you, alot, alot . :]
M, hais, there's so much to say, yet there's jus too little time .
i'll cut it short, cos most of th other things .
i alr said them to you.
i keep making th same mistakes again n again .
n i keep pulling u in to go thru all this stupid things again.
im sorry .
i feel really selfish .
if u want to give up on us .
i wont force you to stay .
i can promise you i wont get angry as well.
i totally understand .
right from th start is i ownself wan to make th choice to risk being with you .
so, i will face th consequences myself, and i promise,
if u really dont want to go thru th same shit again, i wont go bothering you alr .
but, if.
u still have feelings, and u want us to be together again,
but worry bout me n my parents th problems .
den as what ive said ,
for my parents' side,
if u really want us to be together,
im sure u will do whatever u can for them to accept us de .
and .
if u believe in us,
im sure we can pull through everything de .
it doesnt matter whether we are together or not,
its how we feel that matters .
regardless how far we are being pulled apart from each other,
it doesnt matter .
&..
still got one more thing.
不管路有多难走,只要有你在我的身边牵着我的手,再难的路我也会走下去[:
PAISEH I SAY ALL THESE LIKE I GOING DIE LIKE THAT UH .
is just, if dad really found out , i think is 100% 'die' alr .
if nothing happen, is miracle le bahs .
lord, hopefully nothing bad will happen bahs , bless me -_- i cant afford to lose anymore things, or anyone..hais.ty..
Labels: reminisce; OlvlsOlvlsOlvls.
.
hello i am qy 〆 ヒスイ sleep paralysis, wretches & sketches しめ
i study the making of places where people spend their lives
| Tumblr | Twitter | Steam | Portfolio | Insta |.
.
.